WHY WOMEN CAN'T SLEEP!

WHY WOMEN CAN'T SLEEP!

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?Well....it's finally explained here in the above, easy-to-understand, illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done,a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man has only 2 balls and they consume all his thoughts.

HIGHWAY HI-FI FROM CRYSLER!

HIGHWAY HI-FI FROM CHRYSLER!

Just because you’re driving in your car, it doesn’t mean that you can’t take your hi-fi music with you. Here’s a Chrysler innovation: a phonograph for your car.

In 1956 they teamed with CBS to create the “Highway Hi-Fi” – an under-dash phonograph that played vinyl records at a super-slow 16-2/3 revolutions per minute. The slow speed allowed a small disc to pack up to an hour of entertainment on each side. Special mechanical engineering reduced the number of times and distance the needle would skip across the disc as the car drove over bumps in the road.

With innovations like these, we simply can’t believe the how the company got into the economic trouble they’re in right now!

A TIP OF THE RECORD ARM TO SCOOTER SCOOP

HOW DID SOCCER SURVIVE!

HOW DID SOCCER SURVIVE?

Here’s a bizarre and strange video where the presenters want you to see the latest and most fashionable Soccer uniforms and gear for the German clubs through dance! Mind you this is obviously weird because it’s from the 1970s and it’s from Germany. Those crazy crazy Germans.

I"ve played and followed soccer for years, but I'm not sure how soccer even survived the debacle!

A KICK OF THE SOCCER BALL TO NEATORAMA

THE SANTASTIC FOUR!

THE SANTASTIC FOUR!

YET MORE RADICAL CHRISTMAS MUSIC TO DOWNLOAD!

FUNKY CHRISTMAS

TO CHECK IT OUT CLICK HERE

A TIP OF THE SANTA HAT TO PLANET MONDO

A VERY BOOTIE CHRISTMAS!

A VERY BOOTIE CHRISTMAS!

AND NOW A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE SO VERY TIRED OF THOSE TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS SONGS!

BOOTIE

The biggest mashup bootleg party in the world

presents:

A VERY BOOTIE CHRISTMAS

Featuring 16 of our favorite holiday mashups!

On Saturday, December 9th, 2006, at the Bootie Holiday Party in San Francisco, DJ Adrian spun a one-hour set of only Christmas mashups -- including all of the tracks featured here. We also gave away about 150 copies of this limited-edition CD. The Christmas DJ set was so well-received, that DJs Adrian & the Mysterious D decided to post the CD online for a limited time, along with the added bonus of four additional tracks not featured on the original CD. Some of these tracks have appeared on other holiday mashup compilations, including the Santastic CDs. Happy holidays!

Bad Tattoo - Are You Going To Stop The White Christmas

TO CHECK OUT THE FULL CD DOWNLOAD CLICK HERE

A TIP OF THE SANTA HAT TO PLANET MONDO

PETER CINCOTTI -- EAST OF ANGEL TOWN!

PETER CINCOTTI -- EAST OF ANGEL TOWN!

I've been a big fan of jazz pianist/singer Peter Cincotti since his debut album. He's one of the new breed reinterpreting the classic standards (ala Jamie Cullum)as well as branching out with original material. Cincotti's new album, East of Angel Town, will be released in the U.S. on January 27th, 2009.

Apparently, however, it is now available to pre-order HERE. The deal is a limited number of pre-order copies will be autographed by Cincotti.

On the new album Cincotti teams up with 14-time Grammy winning producer David Foster, producer Humberto Gatica (the duo behind Michael Buble), and producer/sound designer Jochem van der Saag.

The album is billed as blending pop, rock, blues, funk and jazz, and marked by an expressive voice and prodigious piano talent.

NEW PHANTOM MOVIE SLATED FOR AUSTRAILIA!

NEW PHANTOM MOVIE SLATED FOR AUSTRAILIA!

THE ASSOCIATE PRESS REPORTS . . .

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) — Fans of the skintight purple suit rejoice: the Phantom is back.

An Australian production company on Monday announced it had secured the rights to "The Phantom Legacy," a follow-up to the 1996 film "The Phantom," which starred Billy Zane as the masked hero who fights evil from his jungle headquarters.

The latest adaptation, which is expected to cost 130 million Australian dollars ($87 million), is not a sequel to the earlier picture, but a fresh look at the origins of the Phantom set in the present, scriptwriter Tim Boyle told The Associated Press in an interview Tuesday.

The Phantom began as a daily newspaper comic strip by Lee Falk in 1936. The protagonist — alter ego Kit Walker — is the 21st in a family of men who have passed the task of fighting injustice onto their sons. The first Phantom took the job to avenge his father's death at the hands of pirates.

"One of the things that I always questioned about the Phantom is why the Phantom legacy keeps passing down from generation to generation," Boyle said in a telephone interview from New York. "To me, what would be interesting is seeing the son that didn't want to be the Phantom."

"That to me is a far more interesting story," Boyle said. "So that's kind of where I focused the plot around with the father and son sort of thing — where the father is the Phantom, but the son doesn't want to be the Phantom, and the question is ... will he step up and be the man he's destined to be? Or will he go down a different path?"

Producer Bruce Sherlock, who also served as executive producer of the first Phantom movie, said the new film will be a marked improvement over its predecessor, which received mixed reviews.

"It has the makings of a blockbuster," Sherlock told The AP. "There's some surprises that will thrill the Phantom fans worldwide." Sherlock's Sydney-based Sherlock Symington Productions won the rights to the film.

The movie will likely be shot entirely in Australia, with production set to begin within six to nine months, Sherlock said. Producers are in talks with several "top talent" Australian and American actors, Sherlock said. He declined to provide names.

THE CAT'S MEOW!

FORGOTTEN BOOKS: HEAD OF THE FORCE BY JAMES BARNETT!

FORGOTTEN BOOKS: HEAD OF THE FORCE BY JAMES BARNETT!

Because of my own twin careers (detective/writer), I’ve created a sub-genre section in my library for novels written by authors who have been, or (as in my case) are still on the job. The obvious example of this is Joseph Wambaugh, but there are actually quite a few others who are not as well known.

The British police forces, particularly the London Metropolitan force, have produced even more authors than American forces. Amongst the best is James Barnett who joined the Met in 1946 and retired as a CID Commander in 1976 after having been awarded the Queen’s Police Medal for Distinguished Service.

While their set-ups are somewhat fanciful, Barnett’s four novels (Head Of The Force, Backfire Is Hostile, Palmprint, and Firing Squad) are exceptional examples of solid investigative techniques. Despite the over-the-top premise of the crimes, Barnett anchors the stories in reality. He puts his investigators under pressure from not only the investigation, but also from real world politics both within the police force and through outside interests.

Capturing the graphic pun of Barnett’s debut novel, Head Of The Force, the brilliant cover sold me on the book before I’d even read the first page. However, once I jumped into the story, I was just as quickly drawn into the prose.

Assistant Commissioner Hicks of Scotland Yard was having a bad morning. He was running late for an appointment with the commissioner, the most powerful man at the Yard. But nothing could have prepared him for the sight that awaited him in his boss’ office. The commissioner was on time – he was also, without a doubt and quite shockingly dead. The ensuing investigation, deep into the power structure of the police, leads to an extreme right-wing organization led by the sinister General Mulqueen.

Barnett’s knowledge of the police force was gained in the best and toughest way of all – through experience. However, this knowledge alone doesn’t make a novelist unless he has the ability to translate experience into a lively story – and Barnett is more than capable in exercising this skill.

While Head Of The Force was an excellent first novel, Barnett’s fourth and (to my knowledge) last novel, Firing Squad, is his most accomplished. Utilizing the British military evacuation of Dunkirk in WWII as a background for current day hidden secrets, this tale of an old man found in a gravel pit, tied to a chair and executed by the firing squad of the title, ranks with the best novels from the police/writer genre.

ELMORE LEONARD AND LAWRENCE BLOCK ON TV!

ELMORE LEONARD AND LAWRENCE BLOCK ON TV!

The Sony-based TV production company run by Sarah Timberman and Carl Beverly have picked up pilot orders for shows based on characters created by Elmore Leonard and Lawrence Block.

The untitled Elmore Leonard project, penned by Yost and to be directed by Dinner, is based on Leonard's short story Fire in the Hole. It centers on Kentucky U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens and chronicles his cases as well his personal life, including his unfinished business with an ex-wife and his aging father.

"It's a classic Elmore Leonard story with ironic twists of fate, dimensionalized criminals and a protagonist who is himself an enigma," Timberman said.

Hit Man, penned and to be directed by Dinner, is based on Lawrence Block's book trilogy and centers on a regular lonely urban guy who happens to be a hitman.

Beverly called the show "a character piece about a meticulous hitman's messy midlife crisis and what bubbles to the surface as a consequence."

THE CAT'S MEOW!

MARVEL ILLUSTRATED: THE THREE MUSKETEERS!

MARVEL ILLUSTRATED: THE THREE MUSKETEERS!

THIS JANUARY 2009 HARDCOVER WILL COLLECT ISSUES #1-6 OF THE MARVEL COMICS MINI-SERIES BY BY ROY THOMAS, HUGO PETRUS, AND OF COURSE, ALEXANDRE DUMAS.

Paris, 1625. A young man called d’Artagnan, after a series of misadventures, attempts to join the King’s elite fighting force – The Musketeers!

Joined by Porthos, Aramis and Athos, the four make short work of the Crown’s adversaries. But little do they know, the evil Cardinal Richelieu is creating a counter force to the Musketeers, one which may soon challenge the power of the French throne itself!

The latest title in the Illustrated line reunites the creative team which brought you the much-lauded adaptation of The Man in the Iron Mask. All for one and one for all!"

TO SEE MORE CLICK HERE

THE CAT'S MEOW!

THE ROOKIE ~ FOOTBALL SCI-FI!

THE ROOKIE ~ FOOTBALL SCI-FI!

HERE’S ANOTHER INTERESTING PODCAST WHICH HAS ALSO BEEN TURNED INTO A GRAPHIC NOVEL OVER AT ADDITIVE COMICS ~ FOOTBALL SCI-FI, I’M THERE!

The Rookie is a summer blockbuster podcast novel by Scott Sigler, author of EarthCore, Ancestor and Infection.

Imagine a story that combines the intense football action of “Any Given Sunday” with the space opera style of “Star Wars” and the criminal underworld of “The Godfather.”

“The Rookie” is set amongst a lethal pro football league 700 years in the future. Aliens play positions based on physiology, creating receivers that jump 25 feet into the air, linemen that bench-press 1,200 pounds, and linebackers that - literally - want to eat you. Organized crime runs every franchise, games are fixed and rival players are assasinated.

Follow the story of Quentin Barnes, a 19-year-old quarterback prodigy that has been raised all his life to hate, and kill, those aliens. Quentin must deal with his racism and learn to lead, or he’ll wind up just another stat in the column marked “killed on the field.”

TO CHECK IT OUT CLICK HERE

DECODER RING THEATER COMICS!

DECODER RING THEATER COMICS!

NEWS FROM DECODER RING THEATER HEAD CHINGON, GREGG TAYLOR ~

I offer you our latest venture... the Black Jack Justice comic at www.addictivecomics.com . We're along for the ride on this in many ways... the whole thing is the new Scott Sigler joint (he who turned podcasting audio novels into bestselling actual novels), and it's nifty to be on the ground floor for once instead of outside in the cold, pressed up against the glass and quaking with envy. Mark Hester is the driving force (and also our inker!) and the pencils are being done by this dude from Finland who has a feel for the noir that I can't believe.Anyway, the first pages are up today... take a peek when you have a chance.

Go to Decoder Ring Theatre today to listen to the audio adventures of Black Jack Justice! (or go to the webcomic and read his adventures!)

BARBIE GOES TIKI!

BARBIE GOES TIKI!

A TIP OF THE TIKI TORCHES TO TIKI TALK FOR THIS TIP ~

BARBIE HULA HONEY PIN-UP DOLL!

In 2006, Mattel began a series of Barbie dolls based on pin-up art. This one, Hula Honey, was the second released in the collection. She comes with a vintage-inspired bathing suit and a grass skirt and coconut bra, flower leis, and a ukulele.

I can’t say I’m a big Barbie fan, but if I were I would have to get one of these.

The doll is no longer being sold new in retail stores, so prices vary from as little as $24 to as much as $110.

BOND MARATHON!

BOND MARATHON!

PER COMMANDERBOND.NET:

Continuing on with tradition, Spike TV will once again feature a marathon of James Bond films just in time for Christmas.

Scheduled from Monday, 22 December through Thursday, 25 December, the marathon will feature films from the Sean Connery, Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan 007 eras.

Additionally, the USA Network will air Brosnan’s first three Bond films back to back on the 22nd and Showtime will host Daniel Craig’s Casino Royale on Christmas Day.

SPIKE TV

Monday, 22 December:

9:00am
Moonraker: James Bond investigates the mid-air theft of a space shuttle and discovers a plot to commit global genocide. Starring Roger Moore, Lois Chiles and Michael Lonsdale.

12:00pm
For Your Eyes Only: Agent 007 is assigned to hunt for a lost British encryption device and prevent it from falling into enemy hands. Starring Roger Moore, Carole Bouquet and Lynn-Holly Johnson.

3:00pm
Octopussy: A fake Faberge egg and a fellow agent’s death leads James Bond to uncovering an international jewel smuggling operation, headed by the mysterious Octopussy, being used to disguise a nuclear attack on NATO forces. Starring Roger Moore, Maud Adams and Louis Jourdan.

Tuesday, 23 December:

10:00am
Live And Let Die: 007 is sent to stop a diabolically brilliant heroin magnate armed with a complex organization and a reliable psychic tarot card reader. Starring Roger Moore, Yaphet Kotto and Jane Seymour.

12:30pm
The Man With The Golden Gun: Bond is led to believe that he is targeted by the world’s most expensive assassin and must hunt him
down to stop him. Roger Moore, Christopher Lee and Britt Ekland.

3:30pm
The Spy Who Loved Me: James Bond investigates the hijacking of British and Russian submarines carrying nuclear warheads with the help of a KGB agent whose lover he killed. Roger Moore, Barbara Bach and Curd Jurgens.
Wednesday, 24 December:

9:00am
Thunderball: James Bond heads to The Bahamas to recover two nuclear warheads stolen by SPECTRE agent Emilio Largo in an international extortion scheme. Starring Sean Connery, Claudine Auger and Adolfo Celi.

12:00pm
You Only Live Twice: Agent 007 and the Japanese secret service ninja force must find and stop the true culprit of a series of spacejackings before nuclear war is provoked. Starring Sean Connery, Akiko Wakabayashi and Mie Hama.

2:30pm
Diamonds Are Forever: A diamond smuggling investigation leads James Bond to Las Vegas, where he uncovers an extortion plot headed by his nemesis, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Starring Sean Connery, Jill St. John and Charles Gray.

5:30pm
Never Say Never Again: A SPECTRE agent has stolen two American nuclear warheads, and James Bond must find their targets before they are detonated. Starring Sean Connery, Klaus Maria Brandauer and Max von Sydow.

8:30pm
Die Another Day: James Bond and an enigmatic spy named Jinx must take on a madman with a satellite-laser weapon. A fast-paced but routine Bond outing. Madonna sings the song and has a cameo. Starring Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry and Toby Stephens.

Thursday, 25 December:

10:30am
Dr. No: James Bond’s investigation of a missing colleague in Jamaica leads him to the island of the mysterious Dr. No and a scheme to end the US space program. Starring Sean Connery, Ursula Andress and Joseph Wiseman.

1:00pm
From Russia With Love: James Bond willingly falls into an assassination ploy involving a naive Russian beauty in order to retrieve a Soviet encryption device that was stolen by SPECTRE. Starring Sean Connery, Daniela Bianchi and Pedro Armendariz.

3:30pm
Goldfinger: Investigating a gold magnate’s gold smuggling, James Bond uncovers a plot to contaminate the Fort Knox gold reserve. Starring Sean Connery, Honor Blackman and Gert Frobe.

6:00pm
Die Another Day: James Bond and an enigmatic spy named Jinx must take on a madman with a satellite-laser weapon. A fast-paced but routine Bond outing. Madonna sings the song and has a cameo. Starring Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry and Toby Stephens.

USA

Monday, 22 December:

8:00am
GoldenEye: James Bond teams up with the lone survivor of a destroyed Russian research center to stop the hijacking of a nuclear space weapon by a fellow agent believed to be dead. Starring Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean and Famke Janssen.

11:00am
The World is not Enough: James Bond uncovers a nuclear plot when he protects an oil heiress from her former kidnapper, an international terrorist who can’t feel pain. Starring Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau and Robert Carlyle.

2:00pm
Tomorrow Never Dies: James Bond heads to stop a media mogul’s plan to induce war between China and the UK in order to obtain exclusive global media coverage. Starring Pierce Brosnan, Jonathan Pryce and Michelle Yeoh.

SHOWTIME

Wednesday, 24 December:

7:30pm (Showtime 2)
Casino Royale: Daniel Craig is aces in his first go-round as British secret service agent James Bond, who tries his hand at outwitting a terrorist banker (Mads Mikkelsen). Ripping spy jinks with Eva Green as the Bond girl and Judi Dench as M.

Thursday, 25 December:

5:30am (Showtime 2)
Casino Royale: Daniel Craig is aces in his first go-round as British secret service agent James Bond, who tries his hand at outwitting a terrorist banker (Mads Mikkelsen). Ripping spy jinks with Eva Green as the Bond girl and Judi Dench as M.

THE MAN FROM A.L.A.C.R.E.A.U!

THE MAN FROM A.L.A.C.R.E.A.U!

Illustations of artist Juan González Alacreu work from the British comic versions of The Avengers and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Very cool stuff.

WOLVERINE TRAILER!

IT'S GONNA BE COOL!

BRONSON'S LOOSE!

BRONSON'S LOOSE!

PER CINEMA RETRO . . .

This book has been out for a while, but many Charles Bronson fans may not know of it's existence because of limited distribution. Bronson's Loose! is author Paul Talbot's meticulously researched ode to the Death Wish series starting with the 1974 box-office smash hit and extending through the film's deterioration into cartoon-like entries. Still, it's a fascinating read and one that any Bronson fan would want in their library.

Amazon Product Description:

In the summer of 1974 the movie Death Wish stunned audiences with its powerful story of an enraged businessman who hits the streets with a handgun to avenge the brutal violation of his wife and daughter. The film packed theaters with cheering moviegoers, became one of the highest-grossing and most controversial movies of the year, and turned star Charles Bronson into the hottest screen icon in the world. Over the next twenty years, four increasingly-violent sequels delivered thrills to a growing legion of fans and solidified the legend of Charles Bronson. Now, for the first time, Death Wish fanatics, Bronson cultists, and action movie lovers will discover fascinating information about the series. In exclusive comments, director Michael Winner, actor Kevyn Major Howard, novelist Brian Garfield, and many others reveal what it was like to work on the Death Wish movies with one of the most charismatic and elusive stars of all time.

Covering every aspect of all five movies (including unused casting suggestions, deleted scenes and alternate cuts) and loaded with rare advertising artwork, Bronson’s Loose!: The Making of the “Death Wish” Films tells the compelling, untold story behind the most explosive action series in film history.

PULP PRESS!

PULP PRESS!

ANOTHER VENTURE INTO THE LAND OF HARDBOILED ~ THIS TIME WITH A BRITISH TWIST . . .

What do you do after a hard day? Turn on the goggle box and look at a half-wit squealing out a number in one of those talent shows, or maybe some idiots being baited against each other on a desert Island. Reality TV they call it. Yeah. Well, junior, Pulp Press is offering something a little different.

Pulp Press is dedicated to providing entertainment and escapism in the form of dime novels, penny dreadful and spicy stories that will be accessible to everybody. Whether you're stuck in a dead-end job, fussing with your schooling or an out-of-work burlesque dancer you will not feel intimidated by the easy-going pulp fiction format of these racy numbers. I personally guarantee that you will find any given Pulp Press title to be free from intellectual snobbery and the vacuous scribblings of so-called celebrities and their degenerate ghost writers, unlike so many of today's books.

Hey friend, don't take my word for it; why don't you pick up a copy and see for yourself.

Danny Bowman, Publisher Pulp Press

PULP PRESS’ FIRST TITLE:

KILLER TEASE

BY DANNY HOGAN

Eloise Murphy is a burlesque dancer who's pushing thirty and on the brink of losing gigs because of her violent temper...

Set in present-day Brighton, Killer Tease sees our heroine fight against odds to the bitter end.

An unscrupulouse ex banker who blackmails her into a degrading position; a foul and devious hit man who loves beating women; an old friend who betrays her all connive and team up to give her Hell.

But maybe they have all bitten off more than they can chew when they cross the psychopath in pasties.

TO VISIT PULP PRESS CLICK HERE

GLOBALIZATION DEFINED!

GLOBALIZATION DEFINED!

Finally, a definition of globalization that I can understand and to
which I now can relate:

Question:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:
Princess Diana's death.

Question:
How come?

Answer :
An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend,
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you question my spelling),
followed closely by Italian paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles,
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an American,
Using Bill Gates' technology,
and you're probably reading
this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals…

That, my friends,
is Globalization!

GOOD OLD SMOKEY!

THE CAT'S MEOW!

WRAPPING PRESENTS WITH A CAT!

WRAPPING PRESENTS WITH A CAT!

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.

3. Open door and remove cat from closet.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. . .

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.

16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.

17. Place present on paper.

18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.

20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.

25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.

27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.

30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.

31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.

32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)

33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)

34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.

35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.

37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.

38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.

40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

41. Go to store and buy a gift bag

KUDOS TO MISS CELLAINA

R.A. MAGUIRE COVERS!

R.A. MAQUIRE COVERS!

NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, DID PAPERBACK COVERS BETTER THAN ROBERT MCGINNIS. HOWEVER, THERE ARE OBVIOSULY SOME ARTISTS WHO HAVE ALSO DONE SOME COOL COVERS ~ R.A. MAGUIRE IS ONE OF 'EM.

TO CHECK OUT HIS COVER GALLERY CLICK HERE

BRIAN SETZER'S SWINGING CHRISTMAS!

BRIAN SETZER'S SWINGING CHRISTMAS!

SCOTT PARKER POSTS TODAY ABOUT TWO CHRISTMAS ALBUMS BY ONE OF THE GREATEST (IF NOT THE GREATEST) ROCK-A-BILLY CATS OF 'EM ALL ~ BRIAN SETZER . . .

Brian Setzer loves Christmas. He’s released two Christmas CDs (not including the newer compilation CDs), he’s got a DVD devoted to live Christmas music, heck, he’s even got a Myspace page featuring just his Christmas material. I guess you could say the man likes Christmas.And his music reflects that passion. Boogie Woogie Christmas (2002) and Dig That Crazy Christmas (2005) take some of the best—and unexpected—Christmas carols and gives them the jump blues and swing treatment. In addition, he writes some new songs that, while not destined to be standards, fit right in with the rest of the tunes. There’s not a bad cut among the twenty-five total songs across the two CDs.

The remarkable thing about these CDs is the bravado Setzer displayed in the song selection. He knows his strengths: retro-sounding guitar, kick-ass big band, and a warbly baritone that can challenge the saxophones of the Lawrence Welch Orchestra when doing vibrato. Setzer, however, takes some chances and the overall results are better for those daring choices.

TO READ THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE

OUT OF THE GUTTER 5!

OUT OF THE GUTTER 5!

NEW ISSUE AVAILABLE OF THIS VERY TOUGH E-ZINE ~

Payback's a bitch in our latest and greatest issue ...

We've got the results of the REVENGE SHORT FICTION CONTEST from Gischler and Smith! Find out what these two crime fiction aces deem the best!

And forget Dear Abby, we've got your advice column right here ... Brian Murphy has traveled the world, done hard time, kicked H and engaged in acts that would make a goat sick, and he's got no problem dishing out the straight dope to your yuppie, monkey ass.

We've also got the inside scoop on the Aryan Circle--the newest and among the most vicious gangs in the federal prison system--brought to you by a man who knows, acclaimed prison writer Seth "Soul Man" Ferranti.

And that ain't the half of it. Charlie Stella and Vicki Hendricks go slumming with us, as well as internationally acclaimed Western author Matthew P. Mayo and a ton of other pissed off and brilliant writers offering up subject matter ranging from cops killing cops to two separate morbidly obese murderers to office cubicle tensions that end in catastrophe to an appalling and hilarious look at Hollywood-style degeneracy. All of this, of course, informed and energized by the REVENGE thread that runs through our stunning fifth issue.

And don't forget Out of the Gutter is packed with the always-fascinating fun facts, the infamous ad parodies, comics, illustrations, and stuff so off the wall it defies description ... This is a book you can take with you anywhere and always find something to stimulate and disturb your mind. Pack it on the bus, keep it in the bathroom, break it out on flights, long drives, the DMV, the breakroom at work--'cause guess what? This isn't any nose-in-the-fucking-air literary journal or insider publication that you gotta be initiated to appreciate, this is the democratization of literature, this is shit that makes you smile, laugh out loud, cringe and maybe even get pissed off. But one thing's for sure, you'll get it, and once you get it, you'll want more.

TO CHECK IT ALL OUT CLICK HERE

MORE BEAT TO A PULP!

MORE BEAT TO A PULP!

I'VE NOW HAD THE CHANCE TO READ BEAT TO A PULP'S (THE NEW HARDBOILED E-ZINE FROM DAVID CRANMER) PREMIER STORY, THE INSTRUMENT OF THEIR DESIRE, BY PATTIE ABBOTT AND I'M BLOWN A WAY ~ THIS IS A GREAT PIECE IN WHICH , EVEN THOUGH I DEAL DAILY IN THE TYPE OF CRIME FEATURED HERE, I DIDN'T SEE THE TWIST COMING.

MAJOR PROPS TO PATTI (PICTURED ABOVE) FOR THE STORY AND MORE PROPS TO DAVID FOR GETTING BEAT TO A PULP UP AND RUNNING AND OFF TO A FANTASTIC START ~ YOU'VE SET THE BAR VERY HIGH FOR UPCOMING STORIES.

DOPE MENACE!

DOPE MENACE!

THE RAP SHHET HAS A SHORTISH POST TODAY ON THIS FUN GIFT BOOK FOR THE NOIR LOVER IN YOUR FAMILY ~

Dope Menace: The Sensational World of Drug Paperbacks, 1900-1972, by Stephen J. Gertz, collects hundreds of fabulously lurid covers, from turn-of-the-last-century tomes about the opium trade, to works about the beatnik glories of reefer smoking and William S. Burroughs’ Junkie (1953), to the spaced-out psychedelic ’60s.

TO READ THE COMPLETE POST CLICK HERE

AH, DINO!

THE CAT'S MEOW!

SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THOSE LESS FORTUNATE!

SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THOSE LESS FORTUNATE!

How will bankers and stockbrokers even know it's Christmas without their year end bonuses? You can help, through the organization Bleed the World.

At Christmas time we should always spare a thought for those less fortunate than us. After 20 years of bleeding the world, the global financial community has fallen on hard times. These people desperately need our thoughts, prayers and lots of our money. If you have any investments or savings left, or any money left over at the end of the month please, please give generously. Merry Christmas.

I gets you right here, doesn't it? Spare a though, a prayer, and a few billion or so for the less fortunate.

THANKS FOR THIS TIMELY REMINDER TO MISS CELLANIA

BEAT TO A PULP!

BEAT TO A PULP!

HERE'S WHAT DAVID CRANMER HAS TO SAY ABOUT TODAY'S DEBUT OF HIS NEW HARDBOILED E-ZINE BEAT TO A PULP . . .

Well, BEAT to a PULP has debuted a little early. I believe all the kinks have been worked out and I’m hoping you will like the final product. My goal was simple: focus on the stories and make the site easy to navigate. I'm confident that’s been accomplished.

First, the site. I think in this day and age with so many distractions and limited time, one story a week is ideal. There will be a couple of exceptions because I have a novella or two that I will spotlight in the coming months along with our featured story, the Weekly Punch. Each time a new story is posted, the older one will be moved to the sidebar where it'll stay for several weeks until it makes it way into the archive.

Second, and most important: the stories. I live and breathe hardboiled. It will always be the foundation of my reading and writing. However, as my Mom always says, “Too much of anything is good for nothing,” so I decided to mix things up with diverse offerings in the vein of Lester Dent, Louis L’Amour, Harlan Ellison and Robert E. Howard. That’s what I believe we have done at BTAP, though I will let you be the judge. Over the next few months we have a western from Jack Martin, sci-fi and fantasy from Sandra Seamans and Barbara Martin. And nasty, sweaty hardboiled from Stephen D. Rogers, Anonymous-9, Glenn Gray, Charles Gramlich, Albert Tucher, Paul Bishop and Kieran Shea.

And there’s our debut story. I couldn’t be more excited, starting off BEAT to a PULP with Derringer Award winning author, Patti Abbott. When I approached Patti about submitting a story, she sent “The Instrument of Their Desire” saying that it may be too literary and not hardboiled enough. She said if it didn’t fit, she had another one that would. A few paragraphs into it, I realized I’d be remiss to pass on this amazing contribution. The story grabbed me with a terrific opening paragraph and didn’t let go all the way through to the electrifying ending. Patti, you have set the bar high; “Instrument” is a masterpiece and I can’t thank you enough.

I would like to thank two great collaborators for their indispensable support: DMix for designing the site and Elaine Ash who proofed the submissions making gems shine even brighter.

Most of you have my email so please drop me your opinions. And most importantly send your stories... enough blabbing on my part, here is:

BEAT tO A PULP.

ASHES TO ASHES!

ASHES TO ASHES!

LIFE ON MARS MAY BE NEW TO AMERICA (AND DOING QUITE WELL), BUT IT HAS ALREADY RUN ITS TWO SEASON COURSE IN BRITAIN AND SPAWNED A SPIN-OFF, ASHES TO ASHES (WHICH I ALSO ENJOYED). NOW ASHES TO ASHES IS READY FOR A SECOND SEASON. HERE'S WHAT THE BRITISH PRESS IS SAYING (COURTESY OF DIGITAL SPY) . . .

That's right - Ashes To Ashes is back for a second series in 2009, and as producer Beth Willis tells us, this time it's all about corruption...

The storyline with Alex and her parents found its resolution at the end of the last series. Is there a new mystery to see us through this series?

"Yes there is. Alex had a lot of certainty last time: as soon as she landed in 1981 she knew she was there for a reason , which was to see her parents. At the end of the series, she realised that that wasn't why she was there. It wasn't about saving [her parents] or stopping what happened because as far as she's aware, you can't change things in this world. It was actually about learning something about herself. In series two she starts off with a lot more uncertainty. It's been about six or seven months since we left her - it's now 1982 - and nothing's happened for a long time. But in episode one she gets news which alters her view of what's going on in 2008 and what's happened to her. And she also gets some news in 1982 which makes her think this world is not as straightforward as she thought it was!"

You've previously said that series two "moves in a slightly different direction". What did you mean by that?

"I think it's slightly darker. There's a big backbone across the series concerning police corruption in Gene's world. That's something that Gene and Alex have to deal with, seek out, battle against and survive amongst. I think that adds an element of darkness to their world, which is quite exciting and hopefully quite historically accurate, because there was a great deal of police corruption in that time. We wanted to explore what Gene would think about that and where his morals would lie. It's still massively fun, though."

This year the legendary Supermac makes an appearance. What does he bring to the team?

"Supermac is Gene's boss, and he is somebody who they all look up to in a big way. In episode one we find out that he is possibly involved in this corruption story, so that's a force that Alex and Gene are having to battle with across the series."

How does the relationship between Alex and Gene develop this series?

"At the end of episode eight last year, she realised he'd essentially saved her as a little girl, which made her have a respect for him that she hadn't had in the rest of the series. Not just for Gene in fact, but all the characters in the world. She'd spent a lot of time saying 'you're all constructs, so I don't really care what happens to you and it doesn't really matter'. Between then and now she's learnt to respect, and possibly even love, the people in this world. It feels very real to her now and she's been there enough of a time to feel as if that's her real life. One of the heartening things for Alex is that this world is gradually becoming more real to her than the real world is. In some ways she's willing to accept her feelings towards Gene more - but they'll still battle it out, flirt, disagree, shout and swear at each other in an incredibly appealing and sexy way!"

Does Sam Tyler crop up again in this series or have we drawn a line under that now?

"I think we've essentially drawn a line but he does crop up a couple of times. We have a character from Life On Mars who will come up at some point during the series and that will inevitably reopen questions about Sam..."

Is it possible you could have John Simm back?

"I'm sure that would be an interesting thing to do but I think it would have to be story-led. What we know thusfar is that Sam Tyler's car went into the river and he died. So that would be a bigger picture we are exploring if he were to come back!"

When the show launched earlier this year Phil Glenister said he saw Ashes as a two-series show. Was he right? Will this be the second and last series?

"I think there's definitely a bigger picture which could be explored in a third series. Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharaoh (exec producers) have always talked about the third series and we've always known in our heads what that would be. Fingers crossed that it's commissioned! It's not something we can say for definite but there's definitely a story to be told. In the meantime we've come up with a pretty exciting story for series two."

How far do you think this could go? When Ashes To Ashes ends, could you launch another spinoff show?

"Never say never. Certainly in our heads, we know about three series and we've got that far in terms of stories. That's not to say we couldn't do something else, of course."

WHAT I TALK ABOUT WHEN I TALK ABOUT RUNNING!

WHAT I TALK ABOUT WHEN I TALK ABOUT RUNNING ~ HARUKI MURAKAMI!

HERE IS A WONDERFUL BOOK FOR EVERY WRITER, RUNNER, WRITING RUNNER, RUNNING WRITER, AND JUST PLAIN READER ON YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST.

ALISON HALLETT REVIEWED THE MEMOIR IN THE PORTLAND MERCURY:

Every now and then a memoir comes along that bracingly dispenses with the idea that being a writer involves some alchemical combination of alcohol, cigarettes, a Moleskine, and divine inspiration. Haruki Murakami's new book, What I Talk about When I Talk about Running, is such a memoir: Murakami here treats long-distance running as both a routine that has physically sustained him for more than 20 years, and a metaphor for his workhorse approach to writing.

The book is loosely structured around Murakami's training for the New York City Marathon, but it loops and skips in time, from his early years operating a jazz club through his decision to become a writer and more recent efforts to learn to swim and cycle competitively in order to participate in triathlons. The connection between writing and running is made explicit more than once:

"Most of what I know about writing I've learned through running every day," he tells us. "These are practical, physical lessons. How much can I push myself? How much rest is appropriate—and how much is too much? How far can I take something and still keep it decent and consistent?" He goes on: "I know that if I hadn't become a long-distance runner when I became a novelist, my work would have been vastly different."

TO READ THE COMPLETE REVEIW CLICK HERE

DC COMIC PULP HEROES COVER GALLERY!

DC COMIC PULP HEROES COVER GALLERY!

THESE HAVE BEEN POSTED ELSEWHERE FROM TIME TO TIME, BUT THEY ARE SO COOL I WANTED TO GIVE THEM ANOTHER VIEWING OVER AT BISH’S BEAT SINCE I’VE BEEN BLOGGING A LOT ABOUT PULPS LATELY . . .

BACK IN 1997 DC COMICS FEATURED PAINTED PULP-STYLE COVERS ON ALL OF THEIR ANNUALS AND CALLED THE EVEN PULP HEROES. THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE IT AN ANNUAL EVENT!